that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
