I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
