We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
