Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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