Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
