Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
