Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
