This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
