thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
