So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
