I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
