1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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