You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
