she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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