You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
