So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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