i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize