her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
