Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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