soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize