my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
