I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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