Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
