I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
