we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
