I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
