well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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