idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
