just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
