I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
