yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
