Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
