My brain says no but my pants say off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
