U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
