this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
