I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
