My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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