there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
