we have pet lesbian snakes
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
