Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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