apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
