I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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