She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
