Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
