Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize