what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
