I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i need some magic done to my vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
