This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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