Please, let me fuck your mom
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
