and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
