it wasn't lemon gatorade
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
