Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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