I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
