If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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