if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize