that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will be naked everywhere
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
