The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
