I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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