I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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