don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
