Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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