what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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