Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
