...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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