You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
