The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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