I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
