Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
