i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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